ChiKat

Pregnancy is an incredibly unique experience. Despite how much or how little a woman prepares for it, I don't know any woman who felt like she was in control while she was pregnant. Nature takes over, whether you like it or not.

I know some women who ate well, exercised their entire pregnancy and still gained a ton of weight. I know other women who ate whatever they wanted and gained hardly anything. In my case, I exercised, ate well and was blessed with good genetics. I gained 25 pounds. I was back to my pre-pregnancy shape a month after giving birth.

What's been weird for me is the reaction from other women about my shape. I've had several women look at me and say, "It's women like you who make it hard for the rest of us!" They smile when they say it, but they don't sound happy.

Other women say, "You lost all your pregnancy weight already? I still have mine and my youngest is five…" and it's said with such sadness, as if I have reminded them that they have somehow failed as a mother.

I have no idea how to respond to these comments. They aren't really compliments.

Saying "Thank you" feels like I am validating their unspoken statement that I have bested them somehow.

Giving them a long-winded speech about how I ate well, exercised every day, and still have to fight arthritis pain to care for my son seems a little pretentious.

Pointing out that their comments further a culture of competitive mothering seems a little too aggressive for me.

So far, I've avoided direct responses my burying my head in my son's neck and asking the women if babies ever do this thing called sleep…you know, at night? Maybe more than three hours?

As I mentioned in my last post, a lot of people blame my son's behavior on my diet. People make that connection because I'm breast-feeding, but one of my girlfriends pointed out that the connection never ends.

Mothers so often seem to feel like their worth is wrapped up in the behavior of their children. I see it in myself already. If my son is screaming while we are out, I am totally stressed because I feel like I am doing something wrong. My husband doesn't *like* to hear my son scream, but if my son starts screaming in public, my husband is more inclined to shrug his shoulders and say, "Eh…he's a little crabby right now…". My husband doesn't feel like a bad parent because his son is having a bad day. I can't say the same about myself.

When my son is being a pill, I feel like I failed as a mother. It shocks me to feel this way. And then I think about all the well-behaved kids I know, and all the times I've said, "Yeah, she's such a great mom." because I associate the children's behavior with mothering.

That makes the situation suck even more. I want to rail against society for putting undue pressures on women, then I realize I'M society.

My son does not sleep well. He is almost 5 months old, and he does not sleep for more than three hours at night. I am very tired. I am also very tired of talking about it. Lots of loving and supportive family members want to know how he's doing, but there are only so many ways I can say, "Fantastic…oh, except for sleeping."

I get a lot of advice. He's not sleeping because of my diet. Or because he isn't wearing the right pajamas. Or because I'm using the wrong laundry detergent. But the advice always gets back to my diet. I need to stop eating (choose any that apply): dairy, onions, tomatoes, all vegetables, hot peppers, Mexican food, Indian food and/or Italian food.

Ugh.

The whole diet things drives me a little insane, since I've already been on an extreme restricted diet and I know how hard it is. When people nonchalantly tell me to cut something out of my diet to see if it helps, I want to beat my head against the wall because it's not that easy. It takes awhile for food to get out of your system, and you're trying to decide is one change in a highly varied diet has an impact on a screaming infant.

Then again, I haven't slept in four ½ months, so eating just oatmeal for a month is starting to sound better and better.

My husband has a job offer that he is 99% sure he is going to accept. Phew! It's a good job offer. It's at a place that is not as prestigious as his current location, but it is a much better work environment. It's close enough so we won't have to move, which is awesome. We're really comfortable in our little condo right now, so I'm glad we can be here for a few more years.

His old job ended July 31. The new one starts September 3. Having a month off really rocks (which is one of the reasons you have seen so little of me in the past few weeks).

With our free time, we've been exploring the city and visiting family. For me, it's been so nice to have him at home when the baby is freaking out. Our son isn't the most laid back child on the planet, and he still hasn't figured out how to sleep through the night. I'm pretty tired, but being able to hand him off to my husband makes the schedule so much more tolerable.

We're busy planning a vacation during our free month, along with exploring the city. My husband's been so busy the last two years - it's awesome to finally have time with him to enjoy life.